Kinsey’s research revealed that some women orgasm by masturbating alone. Previously no one had any idea that women might be capable of orgasm at all. Yet generations of men had no difficulty achieving orgasm from intercourse. The belief in female orgasm with a lover is a modern fantasy that reassures men of women’s continuing willingness to offer intercourse.
Men say they want to be a good lover but all their assumptions rest on the fact that a woman can orgasm with a lover. This fantasy causes women to fake. Some women realise that a man’s sexual performance is vital to his emotional well-being. If a woman wants to give her lover the satisfaction of assuming that, through intercourse or other means, he has provided the stimulation she needs to achieve orgasm, then she is obliged to fake.
Women learn that if a man cannot find release via intercourse and the sense that he has satisfied his lover, his whole world falls apart. The problem with honesty over sex is that men want regular intercourse regardless of a woman’s much lower interest. A man needs to be aroused by and to feel accepted in his sexual relationship. He relies on erotic turn-ons even if these are only in his head. So women fake orgasm to keep men happy.
Men appear to have an almost infantile need to believe in their fantasies of arousing women. Woman, who love men, haven’t got the heart to disillusion them. Even if women tell men that sex doesn’t provide them with the same pleasure, men just don’t get it. A man’s sexual ego means that for his whole life he can believe (in spite of all the contrary evidence) that the women in his life wanted sex just as much as he did every time.
The fact that every animal in nature mates by the male mounting the female does not persuade him. The fact that women have to be paid to have sex does not persuade him. The fact that women want a relationship, probably a legal one, to offer sex over the longer term does not persuade him. A man never questions why it is the male role to keep a woman happy. This is because it is self-evident what a woman needs to do to keep a man happy. Nevertheless, a man needs to believe that a woman wants sex as much as he does so that he can be reassured of an on-going and regular sexual outlet.
A man assumes that a woman should tell him what he needs to do. It never seems to occur to men that women don’t know. Stimulation is easy enough to supply once a person is aroused. The difficult issue is arousal. No one can name any female erotic turn-ons. If a woman is unenthusiastic about intercourse which does nothing to excite her, a man takes this as a personal rejection. Instead of accepting that women do not experience sexual pleasure as men do, his focus is his concern about satisfying his own needs.
In some senses, men never grow up. Women have to face the deceit of sex as soon as they lose their virginity. Rather than face their own fears, men pass on the taboo of sexual inadequacy to women. In addition to the other disadvantages of sex that are attributed to women (abortion, prostitution and illegitimate children), women are also labelled as frigid if they do not fake orgasm. It is totally insensitive of men to blame women for not enjoying the same pleasure that men do from sexual activity. This is like blaming a blind man because he cannot see some spectacular view that you appreciate.
It’s pretty cruel to promise someone that they can expect to experience something amazing that is, in reality, totally lacking in both erotic turn-ons and physical stimulation. This is the disappointment women face if they approach intercourse with their heads full of the fantasies our society promotes. Saying that women can hope to experience exactly what men do from sex is propaganda spread by those who are trying to make money.
Most of the time a woman is only likely to offer intercourse where a man makes all the effort. A woman may offer to pleasure a man occasionally. She may also be willing to let him pleasure her sometimes. A woman needs to be in the mood to be willing to give a man the time to do this. This is likely to occur sporadically and relies on many factors such as a woman’s general state of happiness and the state of the relationship with her lover.
If sex is purely a thrust and grunt affair that is quickly dealt with, a woman may need to provide little engagement. The average time a man lasts (from penetration until ejaculation) is only two minutes. But men who enjoy eroticism like to extend the time they devote to sex by offering foreplay. This makes sex more onerous for a woman. It is not just the time involved but also the need for a woman to spend longer being part of the activity.
Faking orgasm provides an easy way for a woman to speed up sex and get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman lies (by faking orgasm) to a man he finds her hugely attractive. If she’s honest then he finds another woman. What do men expect? Some women consider faking to be humiliating and frankly ridiculous. Supposedly 50-80% of women fake. Just because a woman doesn’t fake, it doesn’t mean she has an orgasm. Many women feel humiliated by the idea of making all that ridiculous and unconvincing noise.
She knows how personally you are going to take it when she can’t orgasm, and it makes her dread having sex because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and then feel even more inadequate. (Sophie Martin 2013)